Wednesday 29 April 2015

To Compete.... or Not to Compete.....

That really is the question - a very good question! For years it has been a hot topic of debate in music as to whether it is beneficial to something so subjective. But I'm not going to sit here and argue whether you should or shouldn't enter music competitions - I'm just going to share my experiences of competing and what I've learned and achieved, and let you decide yourself. 

I started 'competing' as a musician at the age of 6, entering the Guernsey Eisteddfod annually. At that age I certainly never entered to win, I entered because my mum asked me if I wanted to do it and I said yes. Over the next few years I kept entering because I liked playing the 'big piano' - but I'll be honest with you, as a young musician, I wasn't very good! I didn't practice that often, and I barely passed all my graded exams right up to Grade 5. I hit 13, roughly the age, I find, that most young musicians either find their calling and excel or decide it's not for them and give up. My mum started me on percussion lessons jumping straight in at grade 4, and I suddenly realised that I really loved music, and needed and wanted to spend more time doing it. At 14, I won my first Eisteddfod trophy with an Outstanding, and later that year I passed my Grade 6 piano with a distinction. I'd got the bug. Competing in music was great, even if it was only competing with myself to do better.
- Now as a professional performer and composer I've entered hundreds of competitions and opportunities, and in the 5 years I've been doing that I have yet to win a single competition outside the Guernsey Eisteddfod. I've made the finals of national and international competitions three times though, and that just spurs me on to keep trying. For the first three years of entering competitions and never winning I did start to get a bit downhearted, true, but then suddenly, WHAM! Selected for a final! And it's doing competitive things like this that have taught me the joy of the win, and the resilience needed when you lose.

It's always worth comparing the pros and cons of anything. The benefits of a music competition at first seem obvious: you could win a trophy, a title, prize money, a chance to perform in a new, bigger, and/or more professional setting, or in the case of composition a performance of your work, or selection for recording or a concert season, or a commission - or any combination of all these big and little perks. But of course, these tend to be reserved for the winners (or sometimes, if you're lucky, the finalists as well). But even making competition shortlists (like top 20, or quarter/semi-finals) is a good little boost that your music and your work is getting recognised.

Pro: Competitions can literally open up the world to you
To date I've made the finals of 2 international competitions and 1 national competition, the semi-finals of 3 international competitions, the quarter-finals of 1 national competition, and most recently I had my music is making a small impact stateside after being selected for a concert program and an international composers workshop in the USA. I'm batting at about a 10% win rate, with about 1/3 of my entries resulting in some form of success (win, final, shortlist etc), and 2/3's resulting in a loss or no outcome. I'd say that's pretty good going, and from these placings I've generated professional performances and recordings and a couple of commissions, which probably wouldn't have happened without the exposure and contacts I've generated by participating in these competitions. However, the benefits are also there for those that enter but do not win or place in any way. I've entered composing competitions that required a brand new work, so it gave me an excuse to write something new, and to find the time to do so. And if it wasn't selected to win then I was free to use it as I pleased, like passing it on to a group locally that might perform it, or in the case of one of my most recent pieces, enter it into the Guernsey Eisteddfod where it not only won the class, but was selected by the adjudicator for his own choir to perform at an up-coming Christmas concert. 

Of course, there's downsides too. For years I made no shortlists, it I'll admit it was hard to take constant rejection. There's been a few times I've made trips to attend the 'announcement concert' only to find out I'd spent hundreds of pounds on travel and accommodation only to lose and be really out of pocket. Sometimes you enter competitions and opportunities and never hear back - several times I've had to re-google the competition to see if they've announced anything only to find they've picked a winner and not informed anyone else of their decision; no courtesy 'thanks for entering' email, nothing. And it's always hard when something you think is brilliant doesn't get the recognition you feel it deserves - Naturally, it's not going to feel good to lose, and sometimes it can really hurt. But the way to deal with it (well, the way I deal with it) is to find a quiet corner, have a bit of a mope for 10 minutes (if it actually meant that much to you), then shake yourself off and start again on the next one. Another down side the taboo subject of application fees. Some competitions request you pay a fee for entering, which, on the one hand I can understand if it's an email entry composing competition and they ask for £10 to cover printing fees of your scores or something like that, but I've seen competitions that are upwards of £100 to enter. I'm sorry, no way am I paying that much for a competition. Some competitions offer some form of prize just for entering. One example is the  Songdoor International Songwriting Competition (which I was lucky enough to make the final in 2012) - It's $10 per song, but every entry gets something for entering, like a free yearly membership to a music licensing website for example.

Con: Can you really afford to compete, or will it be a waste?
I once read on the blog of professional composer Eric Whitacre that you should never enter a competition where you have to pay to enter..... I actually disagree with him, but only partially. I enter competitions like that all the time, but I always weigh up the pros and cons, and most importantly the available prize. If you're in with a chance of winning upwards of £1,000, a £30 entry fee isn't too bad (but I'd personally never pay more than that). If it's just a prize of a performance, an entry fee of £10 would make me think twice. It's really is a judgement call, and you have to decide where your line is, and whether the perks outweigh the downsides. Additionally, it's certainly worth mentioning that you should never enter a competition you can't afford to enter. Check your information before you enter. If making the final is going to require you to travel, especially internationally, could you really afford it? Always, always ask yourself what the competition will cost you, and how it will benefit you.

At the end of the day, competition and critical judgement by a professional is a good thing if you ever want to improve. That's the reason people take music exams, they want the proof of their hard work, and you're competing with yourself to do better than you did last time. The thing to remember is, especially in music competitions, is that it is all subjective. Every adjudicator/judge has their own preferences or agenda that you may or may not agree with, but that's how it works. If you want to enter music competitions in any form, make sure it's because you enjoy it - if you win, by all means be proud and celebrate it, but be gracious about it, because on another day or with a different judge you may not have won. If you lose, remember to congratulate the winner and not dwell on losing, because again, different day and it could have been you winning.

The good thing is, you have an amazing ability to understand life by being in a competition - life is not one all-singing, all-dancing magical 'oh don't we all love each other' musical number (although, I sometimes I really wish it was). There are let downs, and successes, and lessons to be learned, and things to pass on, and music to make! So, I say to those of you who may be against competitive music - competition happens daily in life whether you like it or not - if you don't want it enforced upon you, you don't have to compete, but I might argue that you'll find life a little bit boring if you don't put yourself out there every once in a while. But then again, when all is said and done, it's worth remembering that competitively, the only person you need to be better than was the person you were yesterday.

Thursday 16 April 2015

Performance Anxiety: The Agony and the Ecstasy

It's often regarded as a strange thing, that people who perform for a living should feel anxious about it. Surely, if it's what you've chosen to do as a career and you love it, or even if it's just a hobby and you love it, fear shouldn't be apart of it, right? Well... it's not actually that simple.
- I've suffered with performance anxiety, which I know is really hard for a lot of people to believe. People who know me find it really difficult to understand how I, a seasoned performer who gigs regularly in front of people and gets up on stage to act/sing/dance, could possibly suffer any form of performance anxiety. Well it's the truth, and I shall explain it now.

Performance Anxiety, in biological terms is when your body reacts to the situation of being 'centre-of-attention' in much the same way as it would if you were being attacked. Your body's "fight-or-flight" mechanism kicks in: a surge of adrenaline, increased heart-rate, faster & shallower breathing, which is why symptoms of stage fright are similar to symptoms that occur when you are in real danger. A racing pulse, rapid breathing, trembling hands, nausea, and a dry mouth are all typical symptoms of anxiety, where your body is essentially 'panicking'. I've known several people in my life, very talented people when you see them act or play, but backstage beforehand they are in an absolute state and afraid to go on and perform. It can be baffling to many, but I know first hand how bad it feels. The real issue with performance anxiety, is that, some anxiety is actually needed in order for you to perform well. The direct relation of adrenaline (aka: stress) to excelling in performance has been well documented - but there's a moment when too much adrenaline causes performance to rapidly decrease, and that's where performance anxiety often sets it. Use of the term 'stress' is actually often misused. 'Stress' is actually where you need to be to perform at your best - when things start going wrong and you feel nervous and like you can't cope, then you've surpassed 'stress' and are now 'distressed'. 
Are you getting 'the rush'... or 'rushing for the door?....'
- My performance anxiety is associated with public speaking and reading aloud. While I was studying for my MA at Leeds College of Music, we were informed that we would have to give two presentations over the course of the year about a topic of our choice. I felt a rock in the pit of my stomach at the mere thought of having to get up and talk, read aloud and present a topic. I can hear many of you now: "But, you're a performer! How could you be afraid to do that?!" - The truth is, speaking-aloud is very different to acting or singing. When I'm on stage as an actor or a singer, I'm not really there as myself, I'm either playing a role, or I'm singing/performing as "Lydia Jane Pugh", my stage persona. Giving a presentation in an academic setting, I'm suddenly just "Lydia", and I'm being judged personally on what I think and feel. After a week of panic, it suddenly hit me - I had no choice in this matter, if I didn't do the presentation, I was going to fail that unit and that would jeopardize my degree - I had to do it. So I came up with the idea of doing a presentation on, 'the fear of presenting'. I made it my mission to research and understand performance anxiety and how it related to me, and find out how to overcome it, presenting my findings as my topic.

I started my research by trying to assess 'why' I have performance anxiety, and 'when' it started. I thought back to being 11, and giving a soap-box presentation in Yr 6 with great ease and success, and then being 13 and struggling to do my English-Speaking-Board in Yr 8, feeling panicky and stressed. Something happened in between those two years of school that caused me to go from a confident public speaker, to a nervous wreck. I remember being bullied at that age, but that was to do with having a parent as a teacher, not for anything about myself that I actually did or for who I was, so I ruled that out. Then, I had a sudden memory of French Class....
- I'm borderline dyslexic: My reading skills are good, but I struggle with spelling and words, and in particular, reading aloud from a page can cause me to stumble a lot over my words, so I have to take my time (I still to this day detest script read-throughs). In Yr 7, I was about to head French class, when I bent down to pick my text book off the floor, only to find it not there - someone had taken it. I went to class and immediately explained this to the teacher, who castigated me for 'losing my book', and then for the rest of the year proceeded to pick on me at every opportunity, making me read aloud 50% of the time, and then yelling at me for pronouncing things wrong etc. It really is a testament to bad teaching, for because of this teacher I developed a fear of reading aloud because I was afraid of getting it wrong and being told off - I also developed a stammer when reading aloud: from already stumbling due to my dyslexia, I now stammered, making it even harder to read aloud. And ever since then I've been filled with dread at the thought of having to speak/read aloud.

So, coming to terms with this, knowing the cause of my anxiety, why and when it started, could I now overcome this as an adult, and if so, how?

1) I prepared: If you're fully prepared for the situation then you're already in a better place to tackle the task at hand. I wrote and re-wrote my presentation several times, practiced it in my kitchen, in the mirror, and tried my best to learn it like a script and have it memorized (where possible)

2) I eliminated unnecessary stress: If you eliminate, or at least greatly minimize the possibility that something could go wrong, then you'll feel better about doing it. Some say removing yourself entirely from the situation is the best option, but I definitely had no choice with my presentations, I couldn't remove myself from them or I'd fail. What I could do was set up the situation to be as comfortable as possible for myself. I decided not to use technology for the first presentation (I later did for the second, but I was more comfortable by then), and go 'old-skool' with a flip-chart and poster-cards. It meant that I had everything in my power, and the computer wasn't going to crash, or there be a power-cut etc. 

3) I looked after myself: I limited my intake of sugar and caffeine, and fluids before the presentation - anything that's going to contribute to an increased heart-rate or worry about having to run for the bathroom or whatever should just be eliminated from your plan of action.

4) Deep Breathing: A few very slow deep breaths before you perform in any situation are sometimes enough to calm you down and centre your mind onto the task at hand. There has been research done recently that suggests that sometime, 'getting-excited' about what you're about to do actually works better, but I find it depends on the situation - for example, if you're performing in a situation where you need to appear calm and level-headed, deep breathing might be best - if you need to burst onto stage with exuberant energy and charisma, a bit of jumping up and down and crazy dancing backstage might benefit you better.

5) I performed: I went in the room and told myself it was just like singing, or acting - this wasn't going to be "Lydia giving a presentation", this was going to be "A presentation from Lydia Jane Pugh" - sometimes getting into that mindset of being 'someone else', even if it's just a bolder version of yourself is a really good way to overcome anxiety. Covering up shyness with bravado is very common, and famous people are renown for it: David Bowie, Adele, Cher, Donny Osmond - ALL performers who've suffered with shyness and performance anxiety.

I managed to get through my presentation, and even just about scraped a merit for it - my lecturer even said they couldn't tell I was nervous, which was an added bonus, I'd clearly done my research and everything I was doing was working. Other things I looked into during my research that may help any of you who's performance anxiety is perhaps more deep-rooted than mine include:
  • Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
  • Counselling
  • Yoga, meditation, exercise in general
  • Visualization Techniques (viewing the situation as good, and the audience as friends etc)
The links below also offer some great advice about performance anxiety and how to deal with it:
http://www.bulletproofmusician.com/what-every-musician-ought-to-know-about-stage-fright/
http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/stage-fright-performance-anxiety

Of course, everyone is different, and it's important that you find what works best for you - try things, if they don't work, don't worry, try something else. You might try something that others consider to 'not work' or is a placebo - but who cares? If it's getting you on stage and helping you continue with something that you love, continue to do it! - I should stress however, things like drugs and alcohol really won't help you, and when coupled with anxiety you're just asking for trouble and bigger problems. But, like all 'cures', you can't cover up a problem. All the deep-breathing in the world isn't going to solve anything if the anxiety is rooted deep down inside of you - it's like continually trying to plug a leak without first shutting off the water. My personal advice for everyone, whether you think it's a major or minor problem, is to figure out what the root cause of your anxiety is. This will make is so much easier to fix the issue (and will make your progress to confidence much, much quicker).

Music and performing, in any capacity, should always be fun - when performers talk about the 'rush' of performing, they're talking about that surge of adrenaline that comes before performing. That 'rush' needs to be there to perform well, and if it's not there when you go on stage, then there's something wrong. However, when the 'rush' takes over, the joy of performing gets lost to anxiety. But all is not lost. There are plenty of ways to deal with it, and overcome it. 

Thursday 2 April 2015

RSI: a Really Sucky Injury

Music is most certainly an active career choice - it's physically and emotionally demanding (at the best of times) and for that reason, incredibly rewarding - but sadly this can take it's toll. Ill health and stress aside, I want to talk about one particular aliment that has caused me grief and annoyance over the last 10 years, and also caused me to develop a bizarre love-hate relationship with the brilliant composer that is Jason Robert Brown: Repetitive Strain Injury (RSI)

So - what is it? Essentially it is an injury caused by repeated and repetitive motions, so that muscles, tendons and joints are under a constant strain. The strain and motions themselves may not be very much on their own, but the accumulation of the constant repetitious movement it what leads to the aching, the pain and the loss of strength associated with RSI.
- I developed RSI during my first year studying at LIPA (Liverpool Institute for Performing Arts). It was March 2006, and I was heading to the equipment bunker returning some microphones after a band practice, when a friend of mine, who was working there, introduced me to a Norwegian girl with the statement, "Ah! Here's Lydia now, she can help you!" - It turns out that a group of students were in the middle of a production of 'The Last Five Years' (by Jason Robert Brown) for a 3rd Year performance, and their Musical Director had been taken ill and had to drop out…. 10 days before the show went up. I, in my 19 yr-old naivety said, "Sure! I can help you with that." I then proceeded to spend approximately 8 hours a day (minimum) over the next week and a half trying my damnedest to learn the piano score, learn how to conduct whilst playing the piano score, rehearse with the actors, band and production team AND somehow continue doing all my other uni work/practices and the like. It's safe to say this production, although thoroughly rewarding, was one of the most emotionally draining and physically demanding things I've ever done, and took me to my breaking point (I think I counted three separate times I was on the brink of tears…. and one where I actually did cry - but only in the privacy of my own bedroom) - but what I didn't expect was the aftermath: this horrible aching setting into my wrists, an aching that 1 week after the show run finished was still there…
- A long story short, my piano teacher put me on 'performance rest' for 4 weeks, and showed me a selection of stretches to help ease out the tension. 'Performance rest' was actually easier than I anticipated, but only because it fell over the Easter Holidays, 1 week of which I was spending at a student drama festival, and another in a villa in Spain (where there wasn't a piano in sight for either place) - it made it harder to not practice, what with summer term assessment coming up, but I followed his advice, and the problem seemed to correct itself - at least so I thought….

JRB's L5Y.... Sounds amazing.... hurts like hell!
A few years ago the old issue reared its ugly head again, plaguing my very livelihood - now working regularly as a performer, taking time off for 'performance rest' just didn't seem to be an option without locking myself away in some remote area of the world with no musical instruments to hand (all the while losing a significant amount of income). The issue would come and go, and obviously it was made much worse by prolonged periods of playing piano (or cello, or guitar!) - Then last summer was the very worst bout of it: I got asked to Musically Director ANOTHER production of 'The Last Five Years'. Jason Robert Brown was back to torment me with his massive hands and insanely difficult (albeit, awesome) piano writing. Now, I thoroughly enjoyed this production, one of the best I've ever been a part of, and I will say that my playing technique was much, much better than 8 years previously, but when the run finished the aching was persistent and very upsetting. I decided, I'd had enough of just 'strapping up' and 'trying not to play too much' - I decided I needed to some serious research and try and fix this problem for myself. I'm a professional musician: short of cutting my hands off, performance and piano playing aren't stopping anytime soon.

From my research I've deduced a few things.
- A repetitive strain injury (RSI) is an injury to the musculoskeletal and nervous systems that may be caused by repetitive tasks, forceful exertions, vibrations, mechanical compression, or sustained or awkward positions. It's a bit of an umbrella term that covers various similar ailments (like carpal tunnel, or tennis elbow etc.) RSI is also pretty common: with the advancement in technology and the majority of people working with a computer, RSI seems to afflict a significant chunk of people. - Unfortunately, I find that almost all of the information I come across is geared towards computer users experiencing RSI, and sometimes athletes, but not musicians so much. Some of the information is useful, granted, but I'm still hunting for more 'music-specific' RSI treatment information - That being said, I've come across a fair few options that I'm using right now and would recommend:

1) Physiotherapy: My physio works on my neck, upper back and forearms, and also uses ultrasound and interferential (electro-therapy) to help alleviate my symptoms - I've also done my own research on things my physio called, "Trigger Points" - essentially the muscles that are responsible for my wrist pain are actually not anywhere near my wrist - the link below is really useful for sussing these trigger point out:
http://www.triggerpoints.net/symptom/dorsal-wrist-hand-pain

My physio (and university piano teacher) have shown me a variety of stretches for the neck, arms, wrists and fingers that all help improve the tensions (and if done regularly are preventative) - The link below shows some good stretches:
http://bps.musespeak.com/2013/03/arm-and-hand-stretches-for-musicians.html

There's also a lot of evidence that certain exercises that strengthen the back, shoulders and arms greatly reduce the issue of RSI, for example Swimming or Yoga - however, I've yet to find the time to go swimming (which I do actually enjoy), or do yoga..... so watch this space on that one!

It's such a shame dayglo-pink isn't my colour...
2) Kenesio Tape: My physio uses this after our sessions for support and to help with improved blood flow (you'll see many athletes wearing various colours of this: the best example that springs to mind is Tom Daley wearing yellow tape for a tricep injury) - Some people seem skeptical of this tape, and I'll admit that, while I was wearing it for the first time I wondered what the point was, but once it's removed you really do feel what it was actually doing. It's worth a try anyway, because it doesn't hurt..... except to rip it off.... it sticks pretty well!

3) Thermoskin wrist supports / splints: I have a variety of these: a flexible (but study) wrist wrap support which I wear most often when the aching or pain sets in, and a wrist splint that I wear mainly at night (when needed), or if the pain is incredibly bad.

4) Wrist Warmers: My RSI feels so much worse in cold weather (probably due to restricted circulation), so I try and wear gloves and wrist/arm warmers as much as possible (and I find them a somewhat stylish way of covering an unsightly wrist support). The better your circulation, the better your body works - simple science really when you think about it.

5) TENS Machine - This little gadget works in a similar way to the interferential treament my physio gives me. It sends electrical pulses into your muscles via sticky pads placed directly over the sore points: it can feel really weird, but I find it's great at loosening up tense muscles - when used in conjunction with 'trigger points' I find this can really help improve RSI, and lessen the amount of times I need to visit the physio (which my wallet is very appreciative of).

6) Ibruprofen Gel: I find this the quickest way to get pain relief to my muscles. Ibruprofen pills help too (make sure not to use them at the same time), but I find the gel targets the area quicker. Also, you can gently massage the inflicted area as you rub the gel in for a double whammy of relief.

Exotic fruit... or healing super food?....
Another area that's popped up in my reasearch is supplements and vitamin thearapy: I'm currently experimenting with supplements that are meant to help RSI - these vitamins and minerals are said to be anti-inflammatory (and can be found in foods or supplement form):
  • B vitamins: (found in avocado, bananas, nuts and various other foods)
  • Bromelain (found in pineapple and grapefruit)
  • Vitamin C: (found in citrus fruits)
  • Omega 3's: (found in fish oils and flax seeds)
  • Glucosamine (supplement for joint pain)
My RSI is far from fixed, but I'm feeling pretty positive about the steps I'm taking to at least make it more manageable, and I think employers are starting to be more receptive to how debilitating and upsetting this aliment is. When I applied to do some cover work at the Guernsey Performing Arts Centre back in September 2014, I wrote on my health form about my RSI, and the education department did actually contact me about it, asking whether there was anything they could do to help my RSI, or reduce the risk of a flare-up. I'm hoping that every employer (particularly in offices) offers this kind of support, or if they don't, that they will do in the very near future.